31 July 2012
12 July 2011
a quick hello!
I just wanted everyone to know that I am doing great, all is well and here is a quick picture! (not naked, I know...) as always click to enlarge xoxoxo
04 March 2011
welcome backssss
first off, hello everyone, long time no blog.
I decided to make my blog public again because it was taking forever setting individual permissions and inviting individual readers... Let's not go into detail as to why I put it private at the time... I get irritated really fast and I guess I needed a break. heh.
Okay so the number one question in my emails is how am I, what am I doing now?
Well... Life is good, I'm still working a 9-5 at the same company, different position now. The most I can really say is "meh" because the whole 9-5 thing is kinda getting to me. I can remember the point when I was still performing and I guess I tried to convince myself "I need structure" and working a regular job was a good solution for that. Don't get me wrong, structure has helped me a lot. I love my job and I have some crazy ass co-workers. Everyone around me knows about my porno past... they always have, and I didn't find out that they knew until I had worked there for a while! I thought it was weird that no one told me! But hey, touchy subject I guess. I posted about this on XPT, it was a few months ago.
Anyways yeah life is good, still being young and slutty... hooking up with guys from work and meeting strangers in the streets of LA..lol... I've fucked a few girls too yesss... Also I've been traveling a little bit.. I recently had a birthday on feb 2 and that makes me 24 this year (gag) and I celebrated by going home to visit family and also took a weekend trip with friends to San Diego to party and go to the zoo. It was fun!
That's about all for now... I'm getting some recent pictures together so that I can leave an update soon! xoxox
MM
I decided to make my blog public again because it was taking forever setting individual permissions and inviting individual readers... Let's not go into detail as to why I put it private at the time... I get irritated really fast and I guess I needed a break. heh.
Okay so the number one question in my emails is how am I, what am I doing now?
Well... Life is good, I'm still working a 9-5 at the same company, different position now. The most I can really say is "meh" because the whole 9-5 thing is kinda getting to me. I can remember the point when I was still performing and I guess I tried to convince myself "I need structure" and working a regular job was a good solution for that. Don't get me wrong, structure has helped me a lot. I love my job and I have some crazy ass co-workers. Everyone around me knows about my porno past... they always have, and I didn't find out that they knew until I had worked there for a while! I thought it was weird that no one told me! But hey, touchy subject I guess. I posted about this on XPT, it was a few months ago.
Anyways yeah life is good, still being young and slutty... hooking up with guys from work and meeting strangers in the streets of LA..lol... I've fucked a few girls too yesss... Also I've been traveling a little bit.. I recently had a birthday on feb 2 and that makes me 24 this year (gag) and I celebrated by going home to visit family and also took a weekend trip with friends to San Diego to party and go to the zoo. It was fun!
That's about all for now... I'm getting some recent pictures together so that I can leave an update soon! xoxox
MM
21 October 2010
17 October 2010
09 September 2010
18 July 2010
17 June 2010
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (part ?)
It's been so long, but if some of you remember, I used to post some of my fanmail here. Some good, some bad, some just plain weird or wacky. But not today.
I started reading some of my email today, for the first time in a long time. It was so sweet and kind. I really appreciate everyone's well-wishes, and I wish I could address all of you individually. I love that I have support from numerous strangers all across the globe, and I thank everyone for their kind words and thoughts. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes it takes me a while to get to my messages, but I always read them. I may not respond 100% of the time, but I always try to write back to someone who has written something more than "hey sexy"
Some would argue that I should leave all of this behind altogether, since I stopped performing in porn. They would say that I should leave behind this blog and all of my email addresses. They say I should erase certain numbers out of my phone and just let it all go. To me, that doesn't make much sense.
The whole experience was about a year and a half of my life. I was like 21 when I started, I think. And now I'm 23. These are everyone's real growing-up years. I've learned so much about myself and in a weird way, how the world really works. I am really grateful that my experience in porn was a positive one and I can look back on it as a positive learning and growing experience. I can never, and would never, go back in time and change a thing.
So why would I want to leave it all behind? It's something that I will always carry with me. Almost like a proud whore-badge. Or, some would call it a scarlet letter.
To give a short update I'd like everyone to know that in regards to "transitioning" into a new life it wasn't the easiest thing to do in the beginning. Everything, the clothes I had, even the dressy stuff was inappropriate to wear to the office. I also had to train myself to wake up ON TIME (hard for a porn whore) and work a 9-hour day again. This is something that most Americans do on a daily basis but can actually be somewhat of a struggle for a young girl like me, coming out of la-la land.
I'm never one to give up, so I had to keep it pushin. I was so grateful to find a job right away that I just had to concentrate on showing up and doing my job in an efficient manner. Knowing what the unemployment rate is all across the country, I knew I couldn't fuck around and be lazy on the job, whatsoever.
The 9-to-5 thing has been working out just fine. My job does not have a ceiling over the money I can make, which allows me to set higher goals and really test my skills. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter transition. Home life is cool in my new apartment. I'm still single and bring boys home to play all the time (will give updates shortly, I've been a naughty girl). I've become very Martha Stewart, updating my decor and trying new recipes. I am still on the health-kick and would say I've lost close to 80 lbs in the last couple years. I will post some new pictures again soon.
Life is good. Cheers!
I started reading some of my email today, for the first time in a long time. It was so sweet and kind. I really appreciate everyone's well-wishes, and I wish I could address all of you individually. I love that I have support from numerous strangers all across the globe, and I thank everyone for their kind words and thoughts. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes it takes me a while to get to my messages, but I always read them. I may not respond 100% of the time, but I always try to write back to someone who has written something more than "hey sexy"
Some would argue that I should leave all of this behind altogether, since I stopped performing in porn. They would say that I should leave behind this blog and all of my email addresses. They say I should erase certain numbers out of my phone and just let it all go. To me, that doesn't make much sense.
The whole experience was about a year and a half of my life. I was like 21 when I started, I think. And now I'm 23. These are everyone's real growing-up years. I've learned so much about myself and in a weird way, how the world really works. I am really grateful that my experience in porn was a positive one and I can look back on it as a positive learning and growing experience. I can never, and would never, go back in time and change a thing.
So why would I want to leave it all behind? It's something that I will always carry with me. Almost like a proud whore-badge. Or, some would call it a scarlet letter.
To give a short update I'd like everyone to know that in regards to "transitioning" into a new life it wasn't the easiest thing to do in the beginning. Everything, the clothes I had, even the dressy stuff was inappropriate to wear to the office. I also had to train myself to wake up ON TIME (hard for a porn whore) and work a 9-hour day again. This is something that most Americans do on a daily basis but can actually be somewhat of a struggle for a young girl like me, coming out of la-la land.
I'm never one to give up, so I had to keep it pushin. I was so grateful to find a job right away that I just had to concentrate on showing up and doing my job in an efficient manner. Knowing what the unemployment rate is all across the country, I knew I couldn't fuck around and be lazy on the job, whatsoever.
The 9-to-5 thing has been working out just fine. My job does not have a ceiling over the money I can make, which allows me to set higher goals and really test my skills. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter transition. Home life is cool in my new apartment. I'm still single and bring boys home to play all the time (will give updates shortly, I've been a naughty girl). I've become very Martha Stewart, updating my decor and trying new recipes. I am still on the health-kick and would say I've lost close to 80 lbs in the last couple years. I will post some new pictures again soon.
Life is good. Cheers!
29 April 2010
DO ME A FAVOR
Hello all,
I never thought I would be writing this, so I will keep it as short and "sweet" as possible.
If you are a member of Girlsurge, cancel your membership. It seems I am not being properly compensated for my royalties, and I really hate people fucking with my money. Whether it's a large or small amount.
That is all.
I never thought I would be writing this, so I will keep it as short and "sweet" as possible.
If you are a member of Girlsurge, cancel your membership. It seems I am not being properly compensated for my royalties, and I really hate people fucking with my money. Whether it's a large or small amount.
That is all.
02 April 2010
Dumb Whore's Guide to Getting out of Porn
I've (jokingly) come up with ten tips for potential ex-whores.
HOW TO GET OUT OF PORN WITHOUT THE HELP OF LUBBEN***
1. Quitting starts from the beginning. Always see the end before it comes. You don't want to be one of the whores who leaves with nothing but the hoe gear you rode in on. Save some money. Any money. Even if you only save half of each check, you will have PLENTY to live on. Hair/nails/drugs/pimp fee included.
2. Have some self-respect. Ironic, right? What I mean is, handouts are for losers. Don't be a victim of your own circumstances and turn to others to bail you out. If you don't have the drive or motivation to get out there and make money without using your holes, then stay in porn. Fuck it, escort.
3. Don't be dramatic about "retiring" from the business. Start going by your real name again. It will be weird, at least it was for me.
4. Make a plan, even if it's tentative. Short-term and long-term. Try not to make a "comeback" in a year or two. Or five.
5. Think of your talents and skills. The ones that don't involve sucking dick. Brainstorm and come up with ideas. What do you really want to do? Decide what field you want to go into next. Update your resume. Or create one.
6. Hit the pavement, ho. Turn in resumes, contact old friends, do what you have to do to get a job. Jobs are out there, no matter how bad the economy is. Do whatever you have to do, even if it's temping!
7. Just as with any other job, don't quit until you have something else lined up. I don't mean a date with a trick. If you're really trying to "get out" then you need to adjust yourself mentally because from now on you will be working a "real" job.
8. The pay is going to be different, so if you have any expensive habits... Quit. Enough said.
9. Get out of your current situation. Obviously it's not the best. Get rid of bad friends, pimps, and toxic people. Pack up your shit and move. Get a new phone if you have to. Apparently boost mobile has a blackberry now.
10. It won't be easy to move forward but you can't give up. Rome wasn't built in a day. For real.
***Just kidding, but not really. I think a lot of whores go to the help of people like SHELLY LUBBEN, and I think it's bullshit. I have nothing against her. I've never met her. But what the fuck is a $50 wal-mart card going to do for someone who is transitioning into a new life? I know every girl has different circumstances. Everyone has different reasons for quitting the business. I guess some might even be forced out. Don't agonize over the past. Build a fucking bridge and get over it.
HOW TO GET OUT OF PORN WITHOUT THE HELP OF LUBBEN***
1. Quitting starts from the beginning. Always see the end before it comes. You don't want to be one of the whores who leaves with nothing but the hoe gear you rode in on. Save some money. Any money. Even if you only save half of each check, you will have PLENTY to live on. Hair/nails/drugs/pimp fee included.
2. Have some self-respect. Ironic, right? What I mean is, handouts are for losers. Don't be a victim of your own circumstances and turn to others to bail you out. If you don't have the drive or motivation to get out there and make money without using your holes, then stay in porn. Fuck it, escort.
3. Don't be dramatic about "retiring" from the business. Start going by your real name again. It will be weird, at least it was for me.
4. Make a plan, even if it's tentative. Short-term and long-term. Try not to make a "comeback" in a year or two. Or five.
5. Think of your talents and skills. The ones that don't involve sucking dick. Brainstorm and come up with ideas. What do you really want to do? Decide what field you want to go into next. Update your resume. Or create one.
6. Hit the pavement, ho. Turn in resumes, contact old friends, do what you have to do to get a job. Jobs are out there, no matter how bad the economy is. Do whatever you have to do, even if it's temping!
7. Just as with any other job, don't quit until you have something else lined up. I don't mean a date with a trick. If you're really trying to "get out" then you need to adjust yourself mentally because from now on you will be working a "real" job.
8. The pay is going to be different, so if you have any expensive habits... Quit. Enough said.
9. Get out of your current situation. Obviously it's not the best. Get rid of bad friends, pimps, and toxic people. Pack up your shit and move. Get a new phone if you have to. Apparently boost mobile has a blackberry now.
10. It won't be easy to move forward but you can't give up. Rome wasn't built in a day. For real.
***Just kidding, but not really. I think a lot of whores go to the help of people like SHELLY LUBBEN, and I think it's bullshit. I have nothing against her. I've never met her. But what the fuck is a $50 wal-mart card going to do for someone who is transitioning into a new life? I know every girl has different circumstances. Everyone has different reasons for quitting the business. I guess some might even be forced out. Don't agonize over the past. Build a fucking bridge and get over it.
29 March 2010
into thin air
I didn't disappear. I'm still around.
Still performing? Not so much. I quit performing a while ago, in case some of you hadn't realized that already. I told a few people already including some fans and some of my favorite message board friends. I've never been one to make a big deal over things, so I didn't feel like making a huge statement about "retiring" or anything. Plus, I was lucky (and smart) enough with my money that I didn't need any retirement donations from my fans ; )
Truth is, I left the business when it stopped being as fun as it always was to me. It just wasn't the same anymore. So I quietly backed out and moved on. Some of my entries hinted at what I was feeling inside, for example my musings about undercover whoring. I will always get off on being photographed naked or even just changing my clothes with the blinds open. I'll always have an exhibitionist streak inside of me. That will never change. And I will always be a whore, and that will never change either. I have this insatiable, impulsive, slutty side of me that I can't seem to hide for long.
I loved being in the porn industry and I can honestly say I don't regret much of anything. The only real regret would be staying in my relationship as long as I did. I guess I never realized how easy it would be to actually get out and move forward on my own. Things seem so complicated when you're going through it. It's only in hindsight that I realize the door was there the whole time, I just had to open it.
It's been a few months now, and I'm back to living a somewhat normal life again. I'm working full time, living on my own and balancing my checkbook like a normal person. Things have definitely mellowed out for me. I was really scared to move on when it came to the sex, because I thought all the "civilian" guys were going to be total duds in the sack. Let's just say I have been pleasantly surprised. Just the other day I was thrown on my bed and throat-fucked "Gag Factor" style. Tits up and everything. I was so shocked! Part of me wanted to laugh because it is obvious that guy watched way too much porn, but the other part of me just went with the flow, and started playing with myself while he fucked my throat. Then there was another guy who totally stuck his thumb in my ass! Out of no where! All I have to say is thank god for porn because these guys must feel like they have an example to live up to ;) And they do.
I have jokingly changed my blog title to "The Aftermath" because it just sounds so dramatic. I might be one of the few people who doesn't have a horror story about their time in the industry, so I thought it fit nicely. I guess I'll keep this blog up for a while and share some more stories about my life now. I still have to put up a few other movies that have come out in the last few months, so I will be writing soon.
Still performing? Not so much. I quit performing a while ago, in case some of you hadn't realized that already. I told a few people already including some fans and some of my favorite message board friends. I've never been one to make a big deal over things, so I didn't feel like making a huge statement about "retiring" or anything. Plus, I was lucky (and smart) enough with my money that I didn't need any retirement donations from my fans ; )
Truth is, I left the business when it stopped being as fun as it always was to me. It just wasn't the same anymore. So I quietly backed out and moved on. Some of my entries hinted at what I was feeling inside, for example my musings about undercover whoring. I will always get off on being photographed naked or even just changing my clothes with the blinds open. I'll always have an exhibitionist streak inside of me. That will never change. And I will always be a whore, and that will never change either. I have this insatiable, impulsive, slutty side of me that I can't seem to hide for long.
I loved being in the porn industry and I can honestly say I don't regret much of anything. The only real regret would be staying in my relationship as long as I did. I guess I never realized how easy it would be to actually get out and move forward on my own. Things seem so complicated when you're going through it. It's only in hindsight that I realize the door was there the whole time, I just had to open it.
It's been a few months now, and I'm back to living a somewhat normal life again. I'm working full time, living on my own and balancing my checkbook like a normal person. Things have definitely mellowed out for me. I was really scared to move on when it came to the sex, because I thought all the "civilian" guys were going to be total duds in the sack. Let's just say I have been pleasantly surprised. Just the other day I was thrown on my bed and throat-fucked "Gag Factor" style. Tits up and everything. I was so shocked! Part of me wanted to laugh because it is obvious that guy watched way too much porn, but the other part of me just went with the flow, and started playing with myself while he fucked my throat. Then there was another guy who totally stuck his thumb in my ass! Out of no where! All I have to say is thank god for porn because these guys must feel like they have an example to live up to ;) And they do.
I have jokingly changed my blog title to "The Aftermath" because it just sounds so dramatic. I might be one of the few people who doesn't have a horror story about their time in the industry, so I thought it fit nicely. I guess I'll keep this blog up for a while and share some more stories about my life now. I still have to put up a few other movies that have come out in the last few months, so I will be writing soon.
23 December 2009
plumpers
Apparently I ended up on the cover of plumpers mag again last month or something like that. It was a very very old photo set from last year, I think Taylor Wane or her husband Laurien shot the set, I can't remember which one it is. I don't think the magazine is available on the news stands any longer, oh well.
For those of you who actually prefer me when I was heavier, check it out and let me know what you think!
For those of you who actually prefer me when I was heavier, check it out and let me know what you think!
30 November 2009
big butt brotha lovers # 15
one of the many movies I have been meaning to put up.
This scene, I believe, is from the day I fucked rico strong and got covered in vegetable oil. Yes, vegetable oil. Remember?
I remember this day, Rico is fun. Here are the front and back covers...
This scene, I believe, is from the day I fucked rico strong and got covered in vegetable oil. Yes, vegetable oil. Remember?
I remember this day, Rico is fun. Here are the front and back covers...
24 November 2009
Single Life
OMG, there are sexy men everywhere!!!
I feel like ever since I became "single" again, I just want to fuck everybody!
okay, I know this is short but I promise I will write more later, really.
17 November 2009
06 October 2009
IRL
In Real Life.
What the fuck does that mean anyways. Every time I express my want for a "real" life, people look at me crazy. It's like porn valley is some kind of fucking lala land, like I'm living this life in a cloud or something. I've been thinking, and I've been feeling all introspective and shit lately. Maybe it's all the change that has been happening at home. It felt like we drifted and drifted. It felt like I was heading in a completely different direction than he was. And now I don't really know where I am. I am feeling restless with my life right now, to say the least. I feel like I need something "real" like a real fucking life or something. (shoot me now)
Is it possible to go to school or work a real job and do porn on the side for the money and fun/fuck of it? Like, for real. Not a stupid whore who lies about going to school but an undercover whore, one who has a "real" life and sluts herself out on the side... on camera while we're at it. It could be my little secret. That is, unless I am recognized somehow. That makes me nervous, but then again, what's the big deal? I like to fuuuuuuuuuck. Boys and girls. Big deal.
There have been a few instances in the news news over the years over people getting fired from jobs or their FUCKING HUSBANDS getting fired because of having a porn past. Is it really that big of deal? I understand most girls don't take cocks in their asses do blowbangs for the fun of it, unless they are a kinky swinger type. But what about me? A person who sees herself as some kind of a sexual deviant. Someone who needs to play with her pussy or get fucked at least once a day, every day. Someone who needs sexual gratification, it's like a high that never gets dull. But I need a balance. Structure. Can I do that? Be an undercover whore?
edit... ok that blog was weird, forgive me. but I had no one to call and vent to at the moment.
30 September 2009
WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!
I'm single!
yesssssssss!!!
Let's just keep this short. I have been going through a lot these past few months and I wasn't in the happiest place. I saw the beginning of the end a long time ago. It was only a matter of time. I am so glad it is finally over but the motherfucker took half of my DVD collection along with the rest of his shit :(
I've used this picture on a forum before but I think it applies, once again.
RIP my DVDs.
05 September 2009
re: poll
Okay, discussion time. I glanced at the results of the poll up above, and I see the amount of people that wouldn't watch porn with a condom is somewhat close to the amount of people who could care less about a condom being on a cock or not. I put up the poll around the time of that HIV scare and I'm sure you remember that. I halfway expected the results to be divided between "yes" and "no" and I only put the other two options in because I knew that somebody, somewhere, would pick them. Looking at it now, I think it's pretty interesting that it's split between "who cares" and "no" ...hmm.
Why? Seriously though, why wouldn't people watch a porn if the man wore a condom in it? What is it about the condom that's so bad? Is a condom un-sexy or something? I'm not advocating condom-only porn or anything, I'm just honestly curious as to why a person would just...choose not to watch a condom scene at all.
soooo yeah... If you have an opinion about the matter either way, please leave a comment. Like I said, I'm curious...
04 September 2009
long time no blog
Apologies on top of apologies on top of apologies. I'm really sorry you guys. I'm pretty backed up on emails, so I'm sorry about that too.
I do have a few new movie boxcovers to put up and a couple other things to talk about... but I don't have the time, or let me rephrase that... I haven't made the time to blog lately. I should be posting some new stuff within the next couple of days. I have a LOT to talk about!
One thing I've noticed in my email is lots of requests to see me natural and without makeup. It's funny because that's usually the "role" I end up having--the young, natural girl next door. Sometimes the makeup artists glam me up with really dark shadow and huge false eyelashes, but that is few and far in between. Usually I am asked to look young, girly, and innocent.
Don't get me wrong, it's cool and all, but sometimes I just want to whore it up!
You know, fishnets, plastic heels, whore makeup, everything. But I understand people wanting to see a natural girl with all these other plastic chicks around. To each their own. Here's a pic of me right after waking up. Bedhead and all. bleh.
More tits? okay...
note: Taking pictures with a webcam is weird, totally different than a mirror. I never realized how many facial expressions I have. I can totally understand why people think I'm a bitch sometimes.
I do have a few new movie boxcovers to put up and a couple other things to talk about... but I don't have the time, or let me rephrase that... I haven't made the time to blog lately. I should be posting some new stuff within the next couple of days. I have a LOT to talk about!
One thing I've noticed in my email is lots of requests to see me natural and without makeup. It's funny because that's usually the "role" I end up having--the young, natural girl next door. Sometimes the makeup artists glam me up with really dark shadow and huge false eyelashes, but that is few and far in between. Usually I am asked to look young, girly, and innocent.
Don't get me wrong, it's cool and all, but sometimes I just want to whore it up!
You know, fishnets, plastic heels, whore makeup, everything. But I understand people wanting to see a natural girl with all these other plastic chicks around. To each their own. Here's a pic of me right after waking up. Bedhead and all. bleh.
More tits? okay...
note: Taking pictures with a webcam is weird, totally different than a mirror. I never realized how many facial expressions I have. I can totally understand why people think I'm a bitch sometimes.
20 July 2009
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