The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (part ?)

It's been so long, but if some of you remember, I used to post some of my fanmail here. Some good, some bad, some just plain weird or wacky. But not today.

I started reading some of my email today, for the first time in a long time. It was so sweet and kind. I really appreciate everyone's well-wishes, and I wish I could address all of you individually. I love that I have support from numerous strangers all across the globe, and I thank everyone for their kind words and thoughts. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes it takes me a while to get to my messages, but I always read them. I may not respond 100% of the time, but I always try to write back to someone who has written something more than "hey sexy"

Some would argue that I should leave all of this behind altogether, since I stopped performing in porn. They would say that I should leave behind this blog and all of my email addresses. They say I should erase certain numbers out of my phone and just let it all go. To me, that doesn't make much sense.

The whole experience was about a year and a half of my life. I was like 21 when I started, I think. And now I'm 23. These are everyone's real growing-up years. I've learned so much about myself and in a weird way, how the world really works. I am really grateful that my experience in porn was a positive one and I can look back on it as a positive learning and growing experience. I can never, and would never, go back in time and change a thing.

So why would I want to leave it all behind? It's something that I will always carry with me. Almost like a proud whore-badge. Or, some would call it a scarlet letter.






To give a short update I'd like everyone to know that in regards to "transitioning" into a new life it wasn't the easiest thing to do in the beginning. Everything, the clothes I had, even the dressy stuff was inappropriate to wear to the office. I also had to train myself to wake up ON TIME (hard for a porn whore) and work a 9-hour day again. This is something that most Americans do on a daily basis but can actually be somewhat of a struggle for a young girl like me, coming out of la-la land.

I'm never one to give up, so I had to keep it pushin. I was so grateful to find a job right away that I just had to concentrate on showing up and doing my job in an efficient manner. Knowing what the unemployment rate is all across the country, I knew I couldn't fuck around and be lazy on the job, whatsoever.

The 9-to-5 thing has been working out just fine. My job does not have a ceiling over the money I can make, which allows me to set higher goals and really test my skills. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter transition. Home life is cool in my new apartment. I'm still single and bring boys home to play all the time (will give updates shortly, I've been a naughty girl). I've become very Martha Stewart, updating my decor and trying new recipes. I am still on the health-kick and would say I've lost close to 80 lbs in the last couple years. I will post some new pictures again soon.

Life is good. Cheers!