into thin air

I didn't disappear. I'm still around.

Still performing? Not so much. I quit performing a while ago, in case some of you hadn't realized that already. I told a few people already including some fans and some of my favorite message board friends. I've never been one to make a big deal over things, so I didn't feel like making a huge statement about "retiring" or anything. Plus, I was lucky (and smart) enough with my money that I didn't need any retirement donations from my fans ; )

Truth is, I left the business when it stopped being as fun as it always was to me. It just wasn't the same anymore. So I quietly backed out and moved on. Some of my entries hinted at what I was feeling inside, for example my musings about undercover whoring. I will always get off on being photographed naked or even just changing my clothes with the blinds open. I'll always have an exhibitionist streak inside of me. That will never change. And I will always be a whore, and that will never change either. I have this insatiable, impulsive, slutty side of me that I can't seem to hide for long.

I loved being in the porn industry and I can honestly say I don't regret much of anything. The only real regret would be staying in my relationship as long as I did. I guess I never realized how easy it would be to actually get out and move forward on my own. Things seem so complicated when you're going through it. It's only in hindsight that I realize the door was there the whole time, I just had to open it.

It's been a few months now, and I'm back to living a somewhat normal life again. I'm working full time, living on my own and balancing my checkbook like a normal person. Things have definitely mellowed out for me. I was really scared to move on when it came to the sex, because I thought all the "civilian" guys were going to be total duds in the sack. Let's just say I have been pleasantly surprised. Just the other day I was thrown on my bed and throat-fucked "Gag Factor" style. Tits up and everything. I was so shocked! Part of me wanted to laugh because it is obvious that guy watched way too much porn, but the other part of me just went with the flow, and started playing with myself while he fucked my throat. Then there was another guy who totally stuck his thumb in my ass! Out of no where! All I have to say is thank god for porn because these guys must feel like they have an example to live up to ;) And they do.

I have jokingly changed my blog title to "The Aftermath" because it just sounds so dramatic. I might be one of the few people who doesn't have a horror story about their time in the industry, so I thought it fit nicely. I guess I'll keep this blog up for a while and share some more stories about my life now. I still have to put up a few other movies that have come out in the last few months, so I will be writing soon.